In a World of Change

Yeah! The house finally sold… yeah… I’m suppose to be excited, right?

Well, I am. Sometimes. Other times I’m a bit scared, which I guess I understand. I’m moving on to a completely new phase of my life and am still unsure about where I’ll be living in 25 days. But mainly, I’ve found that I’m just sad.

That’s right. Sad. I know, I know…how can I be sad about finally accomplishing something that I’ve been working on and stressing about so much about for the past six months? After thinking about it a lot, I think I’ve finally pinpointed the sadness coming from a sense of failure and feeling like I’m comprising the vision I had for Leo’s future.

I picked this house to raise my family in. I picked the mural my mom hung on Leo’s wall because I wanted it to be something special that he’d always remember. When I bought this house, I had envisioned him growing up playing on a swingset in the backyard and learning to play basketball and ride a bike in the driveway. I picked this house because I wanted him to attend the best schools possible and to live in a neighborhood where I’d be comfortable with him playing outside by himself.

I know it’s silly that I’m fixated on all of these things Leo will never know about. And that I feel like I’ve broken a promise to him and let him down. He’s only two years old, he’s perfectly content anywhere that has a ball, space to run around in and access to hotdogs.

So now, my dreams for Leo will change. A little. He will grow up in a loving household, and learn to shoot hoops and ride a bike, and all that other stuff. It’s just going to be with different surroundings than I had initially envisioned, and that’s okay. I’m certain he’ll be just fine with it, and so will I.

It’s Been a Decade – My Top 10 Moments

Ten years ago I was celebrating New Year’s Eve at the Love residence in Lebo, Kansas. Of course, by celebrate, I mean stay up until midnight with several of my classmates ringing in our New Year (without any alcohol, of course, since we had 6 a.m. basketball practice the next day). This was our year, the one that would see us each graduate from Lebo High School and strike out into the world on our own.

It’s amazing to believe that it’s only been 10 short years. So much has taken place since then, so many things that have played a big part in my life. Since today is the last day of the decade, it feels appropriate to acknowledge the top 10 moments that have taken place (in chronological order):

May 1999 – Graduated from Lebo High School as salutatorian of my class.

August 1999 – Played a year of collegiate volleyball at Cowley County in Arkansas City, Kansas.

December 2000 – Met Brandon Sheley, a friend of one of my best friends, Jason Carpenter.

September 2001 – Moved to Topeka, Kansas.

October 2002 – Married Brandon Sheley on a beach in St. Lucia.

August 2004 – Had my first solo art show at New City Cafe, and experienced my first sale.

December 2004 – Graduated from Washburn University with a B.A. in Studio Art and a Minor in Women’s Studies.

August 2005 – Started working at jones huyett Partners.

September 2008 – Moved into our house on Tutbury Town.

March 2009 – Had my son, Leo Mason, at The Birth & Women’s Center.